More Ways My Wife and I Healed Our Marriage - Part II

 Ways My Wife and I Healed Our Marriage - Part II

In the first article I wrote about healing our marriage on Oct. 27, 2010 I discussed several things including the commitment, humility, seeking help, a schedule and a dedication to find and spend quality time with each other.  

These are awesome foundations for any relationship in my opinion.  And I'm not here to give medical and/or therapeutic advice of any kind.  

So let's jump into more things.  First discover each others basic needs.  How?  Ask each other.  And if there is not a direct answer then ask it this way:  What makes you feel the best inside emotionally that I do?  Now for my wife it's quality time and affection.  And for me it's verbal affirmation.  If she tells me how awesome I am man I'm on top of the world.  If I spend an evening with her just talking and loving on her then she is the most pleasant thing in the world.  

So after you know what each others basic needs are then you must concentrate on filling them because if you don't someone else will.  And be specific with each other about those needs.  It's like if you apply for a job with a company and you get the job, if they don't give you a job description you will have no idea what to expect right?  Well it's the same way in your relationship - you can't assume this!!!  If you are not clear about your expectations then your man or woman will have no idea what you expect of them which will spell disaster.  

Now this brings me to another point and that is being aware of how each other behave if you are NOT filling their needs.  So you can hell at them and set them straight?  NO!  The reason is that when your wife lashes out at you instead of acting like a two year old, being part of the systems of the worlds pride by saying "who do you think you are treating me like that" which is like a foolish man who has no understanding, you can have great understanding and wisdom.  First think about if her love tank is full or completely empty - often problem solved immediately!  Or you can ask honey what's really bothering you?  Is it our finances?  Am I not paying enough attention to you?  

Just ask questions until you get to the bottom of if and do it with all gentleness.  It works - it does for me.  But a vengeful fit of rage will get you know where!

Get rid of your bitterness!  Things did not get bad overnight and they might get great overnight so be patient with each other or you only be frustrated.  

That's a bit to chew on for now.  We will add more soon - Thanks.

Billy Damore